Tu or Usted ?

© Tracy Novinger 2008

… always use Usted when in doubt.

People often wonder just when they should use tu and when they should use Usted to address a person as “you” in Mexico. These seem like simple words, but in the Spanish speaking world their cultural use is complex and significant. Furthermore, conventions can vary in different Spanish speaking countries. The misuse of tu and Usted can both offend and cause misunderstanding. Fortunately, there is a simple rule that one can use to play safe. In addition, there is an explanation of the roles these words play in communication that affords one insight into Mexican culture.

A simple explanation is that tu is informal and Usted is formal. To be safe, one should err on the side of the formal: always use Usted when in doubt. This will ensure that one will never be wrong when Usted is required. The people to whom one is close enough to say tu will be understanding and won’t care much which pronoun one employs with them.

Mexican culture is steeply hierarchical. Persons can rank high on the social ladder by reason of family lineage, power, education, and wealth, to name a few factors. The upper classes demand deference from those they consider to belong to lower social strata. “Superiors” maintain an authoritative distance to “inferiors,” even though they may employ formal courtesy. Mexican communication style both reflects and reinforces the culture’s hierarchy.

In contrast, individuals in the flatter hierarchy of the United States seek to decrease hierarchical difference with their communication style. A speaker will use forms of address that demote the rank of persons at higher echelons and promote persons at lower ones because their culture teaches them to emphasize the equality of all persons and minimize status difference. When an American addresses a Mexican at a high social level in a familiar manner, s/he offends by not recognizing the person’s status or maintaining proper distance; when s/he treats a person of a more modest station in life as an equal, it often confuses or embarrasses the person because they perceive a clear status difference. In Mexico, communication style recognizes that power is, in fact, distributed unequally. The difference in hierarchy in Mexican and U.S. culture is one of degree: all societies have, of course, a pecking order and courteous forms of address.

As a consequence of Mexico’s hierarchy, in addition to the use of Usted, the use of titles is important. Use Señor and Señora with everyone except close friends if one does not know their title. However, anyone with a university degree is a Licenciado/a. The title for an attorney is always Licenciado/a. An architect is Arquitecto, an engineer Engeniero and a teacher Maestro/a. If, for example, one goes to an attorney’s office one would ask for Licenciado Gutierrez rather than Señor Gutierrez. One’s use of the proper title in this manner will be very well viewed even if one is speaking English. Likewise in conversation, one would address a person as Arquitecta Sanchez or Ingeniero Gomez. A doctor is Doctor, as in the United States.

The use of tu can indicate intimacy. It is used in families and among close friends. It also can indicate rank. Adults address all children as tu, but children should address adults as Usted unless they are close family members. Not so long ago (and in a few families today) many children were required to address their parents as Usted, similar to the use of Sir and Ma’am still used by children when speaking to their parents in some of the English speaking world.

Usted is employed both to indicate respect and to maintain distance. Employees and subordinates address their employers, managers and supervisors with Usted. Some employers or managers may use tu with employees to indicate that they outrank them, and the employees thus addressed will acknowledge this difference in status by responding with Usted. When a superior addresses a subordinate with Usted, this may indicate respect or it may be intended to maintain social distance. One should not use tu to address staff in offices that one visits. Nor should one employ tu to seem more “friendly.” What Americans call friendliness, which is communicative warmth, Mexicans convey in many other ways, even while using Usted.

Usted is generally used by all when addressing a very old person of any social level, and one Mexican professional commented that the poor of Mexico have so little in life that at least one can give them dignity by addressing them with Usted. Some people use tu with domestic help, especially if these employees have worked with the family for many years. But it is generally considered bad form to address the domestic help of someone else’s household with tu. In venues such as dinners and social gatherings, middle class and upper class adults who know each other will often speak with tu to recognize equal social standing. Younger people more easily address each other with tu than older generations.

Usted also serves to maintain distance between men and women. In fact, if a man inappropriately addresses a woman as tu and she allows it or responds with tu, it may indicate she is accepting or encouraging a type of attention she may not want. In some cultures, this situation requires a direct rebuke. In Mexico one can say politely that one prefers to use Usted, but Mexican culture places a premium on harmonious relations and prefers indirectness even to courteous confrontation. One way to handle this situation, especially in front of others, is for the woman to continue to use Usted, and let the man’s lack of manners speak for itself.

In summary, here are some tips for effective and harmonious communication between Mexicans and Americans:

1. Always be courteous and polite.

2. Use Usted unless one is absolutely certain that tu is appropriate.

3. Overly “friendly” behavior can be interpreted as disrespectful or naïve.

4. Liberally use titles such as Señor, Señora, Maestro, Arquitecto, Ingeniero, Licenciado.

5. Americans need to remember that polite communication in Mexico is more formal than in the United States.

6. Mexicans should understand that Americans are culturally trained to communicate in a familiar or “friendly” manner that is intended to please and not to offend.

To the long list of the many pleasures of living in or visiting Mexico, one can add the general courtesy and good manners of Mexican people from all walks of life when they interact with others. And if some Mexican customs seem different, then viva la diferencia.

© Tracy Novinger 2008

See also “Intercultural Communication: A Practical Guide” by Tracy Novinger, available through www.utexas.edu/utpress or amazon.com. Focuses on U.S.-Mexico communication issues.

This article published in the March 2008 issue of Another Day in Paradise magazine (htp://www.adip.info/).

On Cultural Time

© Tracy Novinger 2008

American culture teaches its members to “save time”... In Mexico one “spends” time…

When Americans and Mexicans communicate, they often seem to enter a time warp where words confuse and behavior confounds. There is a reason for this. Every culture strictly mandates the behavior of each and every one of its members. And since the different behavior required by different cultures has communicative meaning, when Mexicans and Americans interact, it is not surprising that misunderstanding can occur.

Because people in different cultures are conditioned to behave and even think differently, their respective perceptions are quite different. When it comes to time, different measures and uses prevail and can cause communication problems between Mexicans and Americans. Although Mexicans react negatively to some time traits of American culture, the difference in the two cultures’ use of time bothers North Americans more than it does Mexicans. Indeed, Americans often view Mexico's informal time system as a symptom of inefficiency when, rather, it evidences a different philosophy of life.

American culture teaches its members to “save time” and not to “waste time;” time is viewed as a precious, quantitative commodity. Americans have all heard the maxim that “time is money.” In the United States, the clock reigns supreme. In contrast, in Mexico one “spends” time; time correlates to activity. Mexicans live at a slower pace and in the moment. They see time in life as opportunity, not money. To live for time is to live for nothing.

In Mexico, people regularly engage in many activities simultaneously. In the monochronic culture of the United States, people usually prefer to focus on one activity at a time when they interact and communicate (although, of course, they can multitask). Let’s assume that George Turner has an appointment at an office in Mexico. As he sits in front of Sr. Perez’ desk and they converse, the secretary enters and asks a question for someone waiting for an answer, Sr. Perez asks his son to go pick up his car, then tells his wife who is hovering on the side that he will meet her at 2:00 PM, all while the accountant has him sign a check, the phone rings and he intersperses talk with George. All the conversations and activities drive George crazy and he feels ignored. It helps one cope with such multiple activities if one understands that in polychronic Mexico they are not unusual, nor are they necessarily impolite.

Another important characteristic of polychronic cultures is that personal relationships are paramount and such relationships take time to establish. Since it is important in Mexico to take time to establish personal relationships before trying to transact business, this may mean making four times as many calls on a person as one might make in the United States to reach one’s objective. Contrary to North American sales training where one is told to keep asking for the order, in Mexico it is important to bide one’s time and be patient.

The United States' approach to time makes North Americans appear to Mexicans to be too blunt (too quick to get to the point) and to be discourteous in the lack of time spent on personal courtesies. Indeed, Mexicans’ solicitous concern for a person’s comfort and well-being is genuine and, even if it were only ritual, is very pleasant. But since American culture teaches a person not to waste time, when an American offers a brief greeting as the preamble to a conversation, the American is in part motivated by wanting to save the other’s precious time. Unfortunately, this behavior that was intended to be considerate is frequently perceived by a Mexican as cold or impolite.

The conventions of “punctuality" also differ in the two countries. Arriving late for social invitations in Mexico’s time culture is polite—it is arriving on time that is a breach of etiquette. By arriving at the scheduled hour, one may embarrass the hosts, who may not be ready. For a dinner invitation at 8:00 p.m., time conventions dictate that one should not arrive before 8:30 or 9:00. However, if the dinner is formal, one Mexican etiquette book recommends that one should “not be more than thirty minutes late.” Given Mexican customs, Americans should not be surprised when Mexican friends arrive at a time that is late by U.S. standards. One social group that includes Mexicans and Americans has developed its own conventions. Because this group is so tuned in to cultural differences, they often joke among themselves, and when someone mentions the time for an event another will call out: "¿Hora mexicana o hora norteamericana?" (Mexican time or North American time?).

Time in the work day is also scheduled differently in the U.S. and Mexico. Mexicans usually take time for their families in the morning and start work later than in the United States, usually around 9:00 a.m. They also take long lunches for their main meal, and then typically have a longer workday than Americans, ending around 8:00 p.m. It is not uncommon to meet someone at their office at 7:00 PM, often referred to as the “afternoon”—“por la tardecita.” Government officials keep even later schedules.

As to scheduling meetings, many U.S. chairmen schedule meetings in the morning when people are supposed to be “fresh,” specify the starting and ending time, and they distribute the agenda in advance. The chairman then keeps an eye on the clock and the agenda to keep the meeting strictly on schedule. This is diametrically opposed to Mexican protocol. Mexicans tend to schedule meetings later in the day. If discussions are not finished, they consider it senseless to terminate a meeting because time as abstractly measured by the clock is up. In addition, they usually do not limit discussions only to certain topics. With so many differences in the perception of time, it is a wonder that Americans and Mexicans communicate as well as they do.

In general, in Mexico more time is spent maintaining personal relationships than in the United States. Activities are usually scheduled later in the day, and nothing that is productive or enjoyable is worth cutting short in order to do something else, whether ending a party or a meeting. It is customary to arrive late for social encounters and invitations do not specify ending times. Nor does logic necessarily apply to time. A maid may leave the day before payday just because she felt like it. Absenteeism after a weekend is so common that people refer to "St. Monday." But because we now live in a global world, many of today’s new generation of Mexicans place greater value on managing time by the clock than in the informal manner that has prevailed in Mexico in the past.

When Americans and Mexicans interact, it is important to bear in mind that the difference in the perception of time is just that: different. A culture is not defective because it is different. In the end, one should maintain a sense of cultural relativity, as well as a sense of humor. As one story goes, an Arab discussing cultural differences with a Mexican friend asked about the meaning of the expression mañana. On hearing the explanation, he nodded in understanding and replied, "That is like the Arab bukara, but bukara does not have the same sense of urgency."

© Tracy Novinger 2008

See “Intercultural Communication: A Practical Guide” by Tracy Novinger, available through www.utexas.edu/utpress or www.amazon.com. Focuses on U.S.-Mexico communication issues.

This article published in the February 2008 issue of Another Day in Paradise magazine (http://www.adip.info/).

How Culture Affects Communication

© Tracy Novinger 2008

… during all of the waking hours that we spend with other human beings we "speak" volumes through the behavior our culture has drilled into us.

When we visit another country where a different language is spoken, it is obvious that it is necessary for someone to speak the other’s language in order to surmount this barrier and verbally communicate. What is not so obvious, however, is that cultural barriers are greater than language barriers and they frequently provoke reactions that are both negative and emotional. What is considerate behavior in one country may be rude in another. What is a sensitive issue to one culture, to another may not be a point of any consequence. Therefore, we really need to learn to “speak” the culture.

Communication specialists estimate that some two-thirds to three-fourths of our communication takes place nonverbally through behavior. Behavior itself is learned from our culture and all behavior communicates. Since we cannot stop behaving in one way or another, we cannot stop communicating. Therefore, during all of the waking hours that we spend with other human beings we "speak" volumes through the behavior our culture drilled into us.

Most of us assume that our own culture’s ways are the natural order of things and we tend to see cultures that are different as less evolved. We think that people would all act the same way if they were behaving properly. When we come in contact with people from other cultures, we may experience indignation or irritation when a person appears to be uncooperative or “rude.” We are frustrated when a person with whom we are having a conversation just doesn’t get something that seems simple, and we feel that foggy sense of disconnection when we do not have a clue as to what was just said or why, even though we thought we understood the words.

Although we think that free will governs our actions, most of the time it does not. Our culture is a stern taskmaster. It imposes its rules of behavior on us from the moment we are born. We learn when to speak up and when to keep quiet. We learn that some facial expressions meet with approval and others provoke a reprimand. We are taught which gestures are acceptable and which are not, and whether we can publicly unwrap a gift; we learn where to put our hands during a meal, whether or not we can make noise with our mouths when we eat, which table utensils to use or not use, and in what fashion we may use them. We learn how to address people in a manner approved by our culture, what tone of voice to employ, what posture is censored and what is praised, when and how to make eye contact and for how long, and countless other things that would be impossible to remember consciously and use all at the same time when interacting socially. As a consequence, this communicative behavior is learned so well that it sinks to a subconscious level, so that when we interact with others we operate on a sort of automatic pilot.

We rarely take note of what we consider “normal” behavior. It is behavior that deviates from our own cultural rules that captures our conscious attention. However, what is especially significant is that, without thinking, we almost always negatively evaluate any behavior that differs from our own, because we ourselves were trained by negative feedback. To use a common expression, we “take offense.” However, we can consciously choose not to take offense. One of the most useful tools we can use when we engage in cross-cultural communication is to be alert for any negative reaction to a person or situation that we experience. We can mentally stop, take a breath, and treat this reaction as a red flag that signals “different cultural convention.” Suspending reaction helps us sidestep the instant negative judgment that provokes irritation or anger; it allows us to consider that the offending behavior may be proper in its own place. In addition, it is certainly possible to learn the most significant rules for behavior prescribed by a foreign culture so that we ourselves can communicate more effectively, as well as better interpret what someone is trying to communicate to us.

When it comes to culture, different does not mean defective.

© Tracy Novinger 2008

See Intercultural Communication: A Practical Guide by Tracy Novinger, available through www.utexas.edu/utpress or http://www.amazon.com/. Focuses on U.S.-Mexico communication issues.

This article published in the January 2008 issue of Another Day in Paradise magazine (http://www.adip.info/).