If You Want to Travel, Read
Following up on my earlier discussion about travel (and my slight :-P obsession with Brasil), I wanted to write about the book Communicating with Brazilians: When Yes Means No by Tracy Novinger.
Do you love the culture of Brasil? The being-in-Rio-enjoying-Carnivale-and-doing-the-samba-all-night-to-bossa-nova-with-a-bronzed-lovely-(wo)man (enquanto na praia, sim)-Brasil? Yea, you especially need to read this book.
Beyond discussing the ways of verbal and non-verbal communication with Brazilians, Ms. Novinger deftly gives the reader an excellent and comprehensive primer on the political, cultural, and economic history of Brasil, Brasileiros (Paulistas, Cariocas, Nordestinos, etc), and why they communicate they way they do. This book is scholarly yet friendly, and a must read if you are planning to go to any region of Brasil; particularly the larger cities. From food to favelas, from sex to singing, reading Ms. Novinger's book gives you to the tools to take your hazy dreams of Brasil and reconcile them clearly to the reality of a country that is full of disparity, bureaucracy, contradiction; and a place where values of family, friendship, and festa (party) take on deep, intense, and lasting meanings.
The first step to successful travel is realizing that you will have to leave your hometown expectations behind, and you will have to change the method to your madness when you're in someone else's "house". Be Open, know your destination, and try to understand the "other side"...
Read up!
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March 23, 2007 - Friday
Você poderia dizer "não" (ou "é um segredo"): A sabedoria de Tracy Novinger
Translation: All you had to do was say "No" (or "It's a secret"): The wisdom of Tracy Novinger
Earlier this year I discussed the book Communicating with Brazilians: When Yes Means No by Tracy Novinger (see March 23, 2007). Whether you have a superficial interest in or a deep, long (albeit removed) relationship with Brazil or Brazilians, this text would be helpful to you.
I know it has been for me during the last few months. In the text, Ms. Novinger discusses that Brazilians hate to say no. Rarely will you hear anyone from the "Grand and Sweet" country willingly offer you anything in the realm of a negative response. Rather than give a "hard yes" or a "fast no" they will lend you a "barely there maybe"... and hope you figure it out. For North Americans who pride themselves on being direct and expecting a definitive outcome, communication with Brazilians can be difficult and lead to disappointment or frustration.
Reading text is one thing, but experiencing it first hand is another. Earlier this year at work, a young student from São Paulo came to ask a question, and we discussed her hometown and my desire to visit one day. We discussed music, etc. and at the end of our conversation she said: "When you are ready to visit SP, make sure you send me an email!" She smiled. I smiled. She left. That day I was glad I'd read Ms. Novinger's book. The young lady said "email" her...but she made no attempt to give me her email address (and her nonverbal cues said "don't ask me, either!" - or maybe she just had to get to class..who knows). Novinger had hit the proverbial nail.
Even so, today I am disappointed. Regardless of how much I read about other cultures, I find that I still expect a certain level of " direct American interaction" from my Brazilian buddies. Whether or not this is right is no doubt debateable; and I realize that even within my own culture, crystal clear communication is more often a miss than a hit...but come on...
I say "hi" you say "hey", I say "how you doing?" you say "I'm gonna call you, is that cool?" I say "sure, when, I want to make sure I get your call". Then I get silencio...
What's up with that? I mean I can understand if I'm *begging/whining* for info and you just don't want to say. I mean, I'd get the hint! But to offer information and then not want to say what's up is just..well, it's just mean. For me, it begs the question: do you really want to communicate (call/response) or do you just want to advertise? I understand either way, but if it's advertise, you need to work on the "hard yes/fast no" and leave the "barely maybes" for the home base.
So for you dear Readers: How hard is it really to just tell someone "no"? Do you have problems saying "no"? If so, why?
Noonz
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October 26, 2007 - Friday
